To begin with, I want to share that I was already very passionate about breastfeeding before having Harrison. I was determined to do it, but I was concerned I'd not be able to.
Due to my infertility issues, I don't produce the right level of hormones. So much so that I can't remain pregnant without medication. There was a good chance that I wouldn't produce the correct hormones for milk production either. Or, if I did, I wouldn't have the levels necessary to sustain Harrison.
It was a huuuuge relief to me that my hormone issues actually worked in my favour and gave me an over supply. Knowing so many woman who have struggled with under supplying, I am even more grateful for this.
Along Came Harrison
Harrison was born via c section (I wasn't able to have a natural birth due to very severe SPD) so I wasn't able to do skin to skin immediately, which I was disappointed about and hoped wouldn't affect his initial rooting instinct.
As luck would have it, my hungry, 9lb 7oz, boy took to it like a pro and rooted away as soon as I was taken in to recovery.
The next 31 hours, before being released from hospital, me and the new love of my life spent our time cuddling and practising his latch. He had a very strong tongue tie which made it difficult for him, but we were both determined and kept at it.
Home Time
He was born on the Monday, we came home late on Tuesday and our first midwife home visit happened on Wednesday. Basking in the glow of new motherhood, I listened, happily, as the midwife told us how strong, healthy and alert Harrison was.
The midwife returned on Thursday, repeating the praise of my strong, lovely, alert and healthy young man. We, at this point, made her aware that he had not had a dirty nappy since a couple of hours after her visit the day before. We were told not to worry being that there is very little waste from breastmilk and advised to keep a track of things and discuss it with them the following day when they would call to check in.
When they called the next morning, we told them that there had still been no nasty nappies, again, we were told not to worry and they would call that evening to check again.
Another call and another 'still waiting' from us, followed by a 'don't worry' from them.
A Sign That Something Wasn't Right
The following day, Saturday, day 5 of life for my love, we had a different midwife visit. She was there to check Harrison's weight and other stats.
She gave him a quick check over and agreed that he looked wonderfully healthy, alert and, let's be honest, blooming gorgeous. She then weighed him, paused, weighed him again, paused again and then asked to put the scales on a different surface.
The same weigh, pause, reweigh, repause happened. She then gave us his new weight - 7lb 9oz.
Panic hit, understandably, and a whole host of confusion. The midwife said that she couldn't believe he had lost so much weight and decided to go back to the doctors to get another set of scales. She felt it was far more likely that her scales were broken than this healthy, happy little chap had lost almost 2lbs.
She returned a few hours later, armed with different scales and a presumption that she would get a different result. No such luck! Harrison really had lost nearly 2lbs.
Back To The Hospital
We were immediately sent back to hospital where Harrison was, again, checked over by multiple nurses and doctors. All of which told us how bright, lively, alert and healthy he looked. We were assured he was not dehydrated as he showed none of the normal signs and told that he may have been weighed incorrectly at birth as it seemed far more likely that this very healthy lad could have dropped nearly 20% of his body weight.
Blood tests were taken and we were advised that they expected them to come back perfectly, but we could stay over night so they could observe our latching and make sure he had a dirty nappy.
No such luck!
The Results
The results came back...and they were bad. Really bad! 'The worst we've seen' according to the hospital.
Harrison was severely dehydrated and his sodium levels were through the roof. He would have to be taken straight to NICU, put in an incubator and given fluids to rehydrate him.
We were terrified. After 3 years of trying to start a family, 4 miscarriages and a high risk pregnancy, we had finally breathed a sigh of relief that this was real and, now, everything felt like it was crumbling. We couldn't lose Harrison; he was our everything, our whole world.
The next week was a whirlwind of tests, tubes, crossed fingers, fear and hope. With an extra and very intense element...
Express Yourself
Harrison was 5 days old when he went in to NICU. My milk supply was still establishing and should have been increasing by the day along with the needs of Harrison.
However, Harrison was too poorly to breastfeed so was being fed through an NG tube.
I was using one of the hospital breast pumps and expressing every 90 minutes, 24 hours a day, to try to increase my supply.
I was still in a wheelchair with my SPD so was being wheeled down to NICU to deliver my milk to their fridge and hold Harrison's hand through the holes in his incubator.
With me not being able to hold my baby, my supply began to dwindle and I was finding it difficult to keep up with his needs.
Boosting My Supply
Finally, he was strong enough for me to do skin to skin with him (aka kangaroo care) and my next expressing session gave me double the yield of the one prior. More contact with Harrison allowed my body to get the message to produce more milk and I was able to meet his demand and more.
It was such a wonderful day when Harrison started to make real progress and was able to leave NICU and join me in my hospital room, and even better still when we were released from hospital and allowed to return home...part 2.
Exclusively Expressing
The next few weeks were spent on a 2 hour routine of skin to skin, attempting to breastfeed, bottle feeding Harrison specific volumes of expressed breastmilk, more skin to skin and another expressing session to produce milk for the next feed. This left approximately 15-30 minutes for me to sleep every 2 hours.
To say it was a hard going schedule is a massive understatement, but every second of it allowed me to fulfil my dream of giving my son breastmilk and allowed me to bond with him and teach him how to breastfeed with his tongue tie.
My supply, during this time, sky rocketed and I would produce enough milk for between 4 and 6 feeds every 2 hours. The freezer was quickly overflowing and I was permanently engorged (ouch), but, this was a god send when my c section scar became infected and I had to start taking antibiotics to treat it as it the antibiotics went through my milk to Harrison. I was lucky that I had enough of a stock pile to feed Harrison whilst getting through my course of antibiotics.
During those weeks, with a lot of hard work, dedication and luck, Harrison learned how to breastfeed again and, once he had regained his lost weight (and then some) we were able to wean him off the bottles and back on to the breast.
This was a scary prospect being that Harrison had shown no signs of illness previously, so much so that numerous doctors, nurses and midwives couldn't tell he was poorly. So moving from quantified measures of milk to the unknown volumes of exclusive breastfeeding was somewhat intimidating, but we had a lot of support to ensure he remained healthy.
Where Are We Now?
Harrison is now 5 months old, he's in the 75 centile for height and weight, he is the happiest, healthiest and most incredible young fellow and is an absolute pro at breastfeeding.
I plan on giving Harrison breastmilk until he is 2 years old. If he self weans during this time, I shall start expressing again and giving him breastmilk in a cup.
I love our breastfeeding relationship and, though we had a rocky start, I am so so grateful for the support we received from the hospital who took such wonderful care of my boy, allowed me to stay in the hospital with him, wheeled me back and forth from my room to his at all hours night and day, taught us how to maintain his interest in breastfeeding whilst taking expressed milk from a bottle and helped us get him back on the breast.
It was tough, but 100% worth it and I'm so thrilled to be able to breastfeed Harrison and be an advocate of the wonders of breastfeeding. I cherish our breastfeeding sessions, feel empowered when I breastfeed in public and can not recommend it highly enough.
#SupportNotJudgement
*I would like to make it clear that, though we are pro breastfeeding, this does not make us anti formula. We are all about #supportnotjudgement and would like to send a virtual high 5 to all parents out there who nourish their children, no matter the format in which they do so*